Mini Monsters: Troll 1 and 2

2009-04-10 3:19:35 am

Okay, I'm in search of a movie from my childhood. I thought either of the Troll flicks might jog my memory. Unfortunately, neither the original nor the non-sequel struck a chord in my memory, but I sure had a good time watching both movies.

Even though the first Troll (1986) flick has a mini monster with a ball on the freakingposter, it's not the movie I remember. It is however a really strange flick with a father and son duo by the names of Harry Potter. Harry Jr's sister gets taken over by a Troll (or something) when they move into their new apartment building. Soon enough the troll is causing all kinds of trouble, even converting the other tenants in weird creatures. Luckily there's a weird old lady with a pet mushroom plant who helps Harry Jr. save the day. I'll be honest, I watched Troll over a week ago and my already shoddy memory has forgotten a lot of the details. Sonny Bono, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and June Lockhart all have rolls and entertain in their own way. It really is just a great, weird movie.

Okay, so a swing and a miss on the first flick, maybe the second would be a hit. Nope. Whiff. Yeah baseball metaphors! Anyway, I didn't really know Troll 2's crazy history or its title as "Best Worst Movie" when I added it to my Netflix but between adding it and getting the movie, it was mentioned on both Horror Movie a Day and in the Totally Rad Show podcast. So, I was kind of excited to finally watch the movie, which apparently started life as a completely different movie about goblins. BC and HMAD did a pretty right on review though I think I liked the movie a lot more.

Yes, it's completely ridiculous and poorly acted, but it's definitely not the worst movie I've ever seen. Slumber Party Massacre 2 still holds that spot. Anyway, the TRS guys talked about a documentary created by the kid who starred in Troll 2 that I'm interested in checking out.

Instead of doing a straight-up review, I'll post the notes I made while watching the first three quarters of the movie (I gave up and just watched, probably buzzed, after a while).

Here goes, with commentary when necessary:

-he's imagining his dead g-pa telling him a story?

-Kid has a Superman poster and fucking Killing Joke Joker HAHAHAHAHAHAHA poster!!!

-"You take them to bed with you and i don't believe in group sex" (the daughter in the story says this about her boyfriend and his friends)

-acting is BAD

-"Joshua start singing" (I think one of the parents yells this at the kid/hero)

-this kid has crazy dreams - green blood/sweat, tree fingers and sucking chest wound

-holy crap, they're driving an aerostar (in high school I drove a 1994 Ford Aerostar Mini Van, this one is pretty similar)

-the town is called Nilbog, hahahaha

-who would ever trade houses with strangers? (the whole story revolves around the main family leaving their regular house to live in the house of some strangers in Nilbog who never really leave)

-mom has a menacing/evil quality because she keeps staring RIGHT AT THE CAMERA

-is that a stripe of blue frosting on the corn? (yes, goblins love putting frosting on stuff)

-hahaha he pissed on the food! (to make sure his family wouldn't eat it)

-dad just challenged Josh to a not eating contest "just remember I've got more practice at this than you do." (which is exactly how your dad handled you when you peed on the food)

-i hear my friend scream in the woods, i'm out the door seeing if he's okay, not drinking mountain dew (the boyfriend and his friends borrow a mobile home which they park near Nilbog, not a good move in the long run)

-eww, Nilbog "special milk" that's not refrigerated

-that's not pudding it's a cheesecake with green frosting

-nothing like a warm jug of milk on a hot day

The movie goes on from there and never lets up in the weirdness. There's a scene where the Nilbogians throw a surprise party in the family's house without them knowing it that is out of control and of course, the end is nuts (you'll never hear a kid say Grandpa so many times).

Ha, which reminds me. The grandpa's name is Seth, but the kid seems to have a ridiculously hard time wrapping his mouth around the word and it just comes out garbled every time.

Anyway, you could probably start a whole blog just on this movie. I enjoyed it for the most part and have my eyes peeled for the Troll 1 and 2 DVD at a reasonable price, but, unfortunately, my mini monster quest is not yet over. Somehow I'll soldier on...

By watching Ghoulies 1 and 2! Coming soon!

Halloween Scene: Graduation Day (1981)

2009-04-04 2:57:52 am So, last night I was flipping through my Netflix Instant Watch queue and wanted to watch a short horror movie, so I settled on the 90-ish minute Graduation Day (1981). After I was a few minutes in I realized the movie sounded a bit familiar thanks to a post I read over at Horror Movie A Day (the best horror site around as far as I'm concerned). Now, sometimes, like in the case of Troll 1 and 2, which I'll get to shortly), I check out a movie because HMAD's BC watched it and wrote about it. Other times, like this one, it's just a coincidence, though we both watched it on Netflix. Anyway, though our opinions of Netflix on Xbox differ (I only have a problem about 10% of the time), our opinion of the movie is pretty similar: it's not great. Check out his review for a good assessment of things. Okay, done? There's a few ridiculous things I'd like to add. First off, there is a roughly 7 minute scene which is based around a band playing a song at a roller rink or some such. The scene isn't all that interesting, but it seemed like this performance garnered more of the budget than the rest of the flick as there's lights and people moving all around. I wonder if they thought being in Graduation Day would be their big break? There was one other cool kill in the movie (though completely ridiculous). This dude on the football team (though what he's doing in pads in June is beyond me) is walking through the same woods that a bunch of kids have already been killed in and after running into Vanna White and some other girl who tosses his ball into the woods, he comes across the killer who puts a sword through the ball and then throws a perfect spiral into his torso. Hey, it's creative, if not physically impossible. And speaking of Vanna, her role really sucks in this flick. Like BC says, she's one of two annoying girls that doesn't do anything important except facilitating the football guy's death. The funny thing is that the other girl gets more face time on camera. So, while we can hear Vanna's distinct voice, you rarely get to see her face, which is the fun part of watching these horror movies with young stars. Okay, one last ridiculous thing about Graduation Day. The girl who dies in the beginning has an older sister int he military. I'm not sure which branch because I wasn't really paying attention. We do know she was in Guam though for whatever reason. Anyway, this woman who has been trained by the greatest fighting force on the face of the planet has a hard time not getting killed by some douchey teenager with a knife. She at least uses some hand-to-hand techniques when he tries attacking her under the bleachers (where he's keeping all his victims in various poses), but both parties move so slow I thought the Netflix was flickering. Nope, just bad choreography. I was really hoping that she would really jack this dork up (who looks a lot like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers). When will we get a movie where the "victim" really knows how to handle themselves? I want a Leatherface vs. Rambo-type movie. Oh jeez, I forgot, there's actually one more ridiculous moment I want to mention. It's kind of spoilery, but I don't recommend you actually seeing this movie unless you're a completist slasher fan. Anyway, there's a fake scare at the end where the dead girl's sister is in bed before going back to the military and she imagines the killer has come back and is going to stab her in her bed. But wait, he's dead right? Right, but instead of this just being a dream sequence, it turns out that it's her step dad (I think he's her step dad, again, I wasn't paying attention. He's at least the guy nailing her mom) yelling crazy stuff at her and holding an empty bottle. It reminded me of that scene from the Simpsons where they're in the witness protection program and Homer keeps busting into Bart's room with a knife and then later a hockey mask and chainsaw. This guy definitely belongs in horror's crazy old guy hall of fame.

Charles in Charge

2009-04-03 3:02:48 am

So, after getting Xbox Live I went through and added a TON of movies and TV shows to my list, everything from classic movies that I have or haven't seen to TV shows I fondly remember or have always wanted to check out. One of those shows was Charles in Charge. After doing some digging online and through my memory, I remembered there being two families, the original Pembrokes and the latter day Powells. Apparently, the show didn't get picked up after the first season, there was a two year gap and then it started up in syndication. I remembered both families from childhood (the first season which had the Pembrokes was from 1984-1985, the Powells from 1987-1990). So I figured what the heck, let's check it out.

And you know what? I freaking LOVE the first season of Charles in Charge. It's got boatloads of heart, it's funny and, though sometimes corny, the performances are great. You really get the feeling that Charles and the Pembrokes really get along. All in all, it feels real. Well, mid-80s sitcom real. And Scott Baio (who plays Charles) is really freaking charming.

The basic idea is that Charles is a freshman in college who takes care of the Pembroke children (Douglas, Lila and Jason) in exchange for room and board in New Jersey. There isn't really an overarching, season-long storyarc, which is fine, but each episode the basic format of Charles trying to live his life while juggling the Pembroke childrens' problems, his own problems and his friends Buddy and Gwendolyn.

Now, while the Powells may be the more well-known family (as it includes a pre-Baywatch Nicole Eggert), but, as I sit here watching the first episode of the second season, I can't help but like the Pembrokes better. Sure, it might just be bias, but I just find the Pembroke children and parents (the dad is played by James Widdoes who was Hoover in Animal House) more convincing.

This is rambling, definitely, and I kind of wish I would have made notes as I went along watching the episodes. A few highlights include a young Meg Ryan showing up a couple of times, Charles helping the teenage Lila deal with growing up (surprisingly honest, though also kind of hokey) and Douglas the nerdy Pembroke boy being a big time nerd in the 80s.

Normally this is where I'd tell you to do yourself a favor and check out Charles in Charge's first season on Netflix (and I do), but I've also got to throw in a few thoughts on the first episode of the second season. Charles comes back from the summer trip he left for at the end of the first season. He comes into the Pembroke house to find different people living there. Mrs. Pembroke (though it's not the same actress, blarg) informs Charles that Widdoes' Stan Pembroke got transferred to Seattle and they moved (all of this took place in two weeks in the show's time, but two years in real time, so everyone who was actually on the first season looks different). Jason, the youngest Pembroke is there as well and definitely looks more grown up. It's actually a pretty sad moment when they leave and then Charles has to decide if he's going to stay with this new family that the Pembrokes sublet their house to or move into an apartment with Buddy. We get to know the three Powell kids a little, there's a boy who doesn't do much, Nicole Eggert who's pretty much a vapid, popular jerk and then Sarah who is a sensitive book lover who's verging on maturity with no real direction. Her and Charles spend some time together and Charles decides to stay. Oh yeah, their mom is married to a guy in the miliitary and her dad lives with them, the grandpa isn't too fond of Charles right off the bat. We'll see where it goes from here, but season's 2-5 (only up to 3 is on DVD so far) have a lot to live up to, as watching the first season has been one of the more enjoyable shows I've watched this year.

My Top 5 TV Shows Right Now

2009-03-13 8:35:13 pm

When the new season began I said a few words about the shows I'd been watching. Well, now the season's been on it's merry way for a while now and I figured I'd lay out my top five shows right now. They're in no particular order except #1, but they're rocking my world right now.

5. How I Met Your Mother

4. Big Bang Theory

3. 30 Rock

2. Real World

1. LOST

Unfortunately, HIMYM and BBT weren't new for a while, which has been a huge bummer as we don't really watch anything else on Mondays. I still really enjoy both shows and can't wait to see where the further new episodes take me. After watching the first season of 30 Rock all the way through I gained an all new appreciation for 30 Rock and they haven't been disappointing this year (though it is interesting to see how the dynamics have shifted by now). I don't think I laugh harder at anything more than 30 Rock. The Real World: Brooklyn has been surprising this year. I think the producers thought that, by combining a transgender woman, a gay guy, a Mormon, a girl who used to date girls but now dates guys, an Iraq War veteran, a girl who's kinda engaged, a body builder and a hip hop dancer they'd have LOADS of conflict. Instead, we're treated to the most thought provoking, yet still fun season since Las Vegas (SO MANY pranks!). And finally, Lost. I freaking love this show. I've actually found that Lost gives me something to really look forward to (my new catchphrase of late has been "Life is better with Lost"). I was close to devastated when I walked into work Wednesday morning and Justin told me it wasn't new this week. If you're not watching you should be and if you don't like it, you're crazy.

A New Venture

2009-03-13 2:48:01 am

Hey Gang, I'll apologize again for my lack of posting, but also encourage you to head on over to UnitedMonkee a new site that will be a great hub for checking out my various online adventures (including links back here, of course). It's a work in progress, but hopefully it'll grow into something cool.

Thanks and enjoy!

Black Panther Is Awesome Part 2: Wild Kingdom

2009-02-25 8:38:59 pm

X-MEN/BLACK PANTHER: WILD KINGDOM
(Black Panther #8-9, X-Men #175-176)
Written by Reginald Hudlin & Peter Milligan, drawn by David Yardin & Salvador Larroca

X-Men/Black Panther: Wild Kingdom isn't exactly the best example of why Black Panther is awesome. As I mentioned last time one of the big reasons I like this book so much is that it feels like it's firmly entrenched in the Marvel U without getting too detailed or confusing. That all gets hindered when you bring in the X-Men. I know a lot of people are all about the X-Men, but I still find them to be the most difficult franchise to get into thanks to the incredibly dense history. It's not even that Milligan's story is all that confusing, I just have a hard time placing this story in the long history of X-Men. You've got Gambit and Rogue on the same team, but what's their deal? Emma's there too, but is this still when Astonishing was going on? None of this really matters to the story, but it is distracting. I do like how both writers handle Storm and Wolverine though, two characters who will be important in their own ways coming up.

The story of this book is that the Red Ghost wants to start a new commie ape society in Africa. There's something about mutant animals, which gets the X-Men interested. BP of course gets involved too because this is his turf. For those of you unfamiliar with the Red Ghost, he's a communist scientist who can turn intangible and has created super powered apes who talk. There's another scientist guy in the story who can absorb mutant powers.

I'll be honest, the larger story here isn't all that interesting unless you're a huge Red Ghost fan (and I know some people out there are). What is cool about this story is seeing Storm and Black Panther together. Like I said before I don't know much about either character aside from what I've read in this book, so I'm not sure if there were any previous hints of their relationship or if this is the first readers saw of it, but I like how they are around each other, especially considering how adversarial they tend to be towards one another. It's cool to see the beginning of their love story (even if it's not the chronological beginning).

Oh, Dragon Man's in the book too which is pretty cool, but, again, the overall story isn't all that interesting. As far as my collection goes, I'm not all too concerned about adding this one to my collection, unless I can get it on Sequential Swap (a great site to get rid of some of your old trades as well as get some cool new ones). But, don't let that deter you from checking out my future installments of Black Panther Is Awesome, as Part 3 will focus on Bad Mutha, the arc that got me interested in this book in the first place.

They Can't All Be Winners

2009-02-25 2:06:36 am

I haven't been having a ton of luck lately when it comes to watching movies. Aside from falling asleep about a half hour in exactly no matter how cool the movie, I've been picking some duds (though still a few good ones). I couldn't even get into watching Repo: The Genetic Opera for some reason. I'm not going to pass judgment on that one now because I was really tired, but I wanted to keep our Netflix queue going so I sent it back.

I did not however like an action movie I tried watching last night called Kiltro (2006). I made it about a half hour into that one before I fell asleep. I was hoping for an awesome action movie (as advertised), but instead I got a story about a guy who likes to fight and has a crush on a girl who blah blah blah. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I want my action movies (and my giant monster movies for that matter) to be less talking and more destruction, unless they happen to be actually funny like Police Story 1 and 2. Again, I don't really consider this a review, because I didn't watch the whole movie, just letting you action fans out there know not to waste your time.

I also watched most of a movie called Hickey and Boggs (1972) which has a lot going for it in that The Warriors writer Walter Hill wrote it and Bill Cosby stars as a tough guy private detective along with Robert Culp who also directs. I didn't have any problem with this movie, though it is a bit slow, I just haven't finished it yet because it's kind of long and it expires from Netflix on March 1. It's in the same vein as Dirty Harry and is pretty cool, so I might finish it up today. Oh, and if you were wondering, yes it's kind of weird seeing Bill Cosby as a tough guy, but he also pulls it off really well. It's fun to watch. Again, not a real review, but just some thoughts.

That being said, I do have four ACTUAL reviews:

POPCORN (1991)
Man, the 90s were a weird time for horror movies. You're looking at a time after the slasher glut greatly hindered the genre, but before Scream made them cool again. Popcorn is kind of a weird movie. The basic premise is that a college film club decides to hold a movie marathon to raise some money. But this isn't any movie marathon, they're showing movies with a gimmick like smell-o-vision or shock-o-rama. As such, they need an old movie theater to show their flicks in and a crazy old guy to help out (and then completely disappear) in the form of Ray Walston (My Favorite Martian). If you really liked the beginning of Scream 2 where there's all kinds of craziness happening in a movie theater, then this is right up your alley as it seems as though a counterculture guy from back in the day wants his weirdo movie to be seen so much he's willing to kill people for it (that's not exactly the plot, but I don't want to give too much away). There was enough quirky charm to keep me watching even though the movie isn't awesome by any means. So, if that sounds interesting (oh and the fact that someone gets killed via giant fake mosquito), check it out.

THE ROCKER (2008)

I was really surprised with how much I liked this Rainn Wilson flick. I was also surprised with the huge number of cast members I not only recognized, but knew by name (for the most part). Wilson stars as a drummer who got kicked out of what became the biggest band of the 80s right before they blew up. Now, in modern times, Rainn's down on his luck, but ends up joining his nephew's band, which garners its own huge levels of success. Aside from the cast that includes Christina Applegate, Emma Stone, Jeff Garland, Jane Lynch (from 40 Year Old Virgin and a hundred other things), Jason Sudekis, Will Arnett, Fred Armisen, Jane Krakowski, Bradley Cooper, Lonny Ross (30 Rock), Demetri Martin and Aziz Ansari, I was really impressed with how well they pull off some moments that could have come off as cheesy. There's also one part where Rainn offers up the emo lead singer some songwriting advice (paraphrase "let's speed it up and switch it to I'm NOT bitter) and he actually takes it without flinching. Sure it's kind of similar to a scene in That Thing You Do, but in this case the lead singer just decided to go for it instead of being a d-bag. The Rocker is one of those flicks that seems like it either went up against some huge other movie or their producers didn't have the juice to put much/any advertising cash behind it, because there's no reason that this shouldn't have done way better (though I said the same thing after seeing Speed Racer, which I still really enjoyed, so what do I know).

I also watched a couple movies all the way through that I wasn't really into and those were Bangkok Dangerous (2008) and The Crazies (1973). I'll be honest, the only reason I wanted to watch BD is because I've laughed a million times at the Best of The Wicker Man video on YouTube starring BD's Nic Cage. Man that's a funny video. You can get to it here after reading an AWESOME article I wrote about horror movie remakes for ToyFare. Unfortunately, BD was no where near as ridiculous as I was hoping it would be (I mean, COME ON, it's Nic Cage as an assassin!). Instead, it's a pretty run-of-the mill story about an assassin who has all kinds of rules, but is starting to not want to be an assassin anymore. You've seen it a million times and this doesn't really offer up anything new, unlike Grosse Pointe Blank which is completely awesome.

The Crazies (1973) is the first non-zombie George Romero movie I've ever seen. It was okay, but not all that interesting. Instead of focusing on characters and how they react to these crazy situations, it seemed like Romero was more focused on showing a lot of dudes in white hazmat-type suits rounding people up after a virus that makes people go bat-poop nutso, gets released in a small town. There's nothing all that wrong, really, it just didn't grab my attention like my favorite Romero (and horror) flick Dawn of the Dead does.