Showing posts with label Bad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

They Can't All Be Winners

2009-02-25 2:06:36 am

I haven't been having a ton of luck lately when it comes to watching movies. Aside from falling asleep about a half hour in exactly no matter how cool the movie, I've been picking some duds (though still a few good ones). I couldn't even get into watching Repo: The Genetic Opera for some reason. I'm not going to pass judgment on that one now because I was really tired, but I wanted to keep our Netflix queue going so I sent it back.

I did not however like an action movie I tried watching last night called Kiltro (2006). I made it about a half hour into that one before I fell asleep. I was hoping for an awesome action movie (as advertised), but instead I got a story about a guy who likes to fight and has a crush on a girl who blah blah blah. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I want my action movies (and my giant monster movies for that matter) to be less talking and more destruction, unless they happen to be actually funny like Police Story 1 and 2. Again, I don't really consider this a review, because I didn't watch the whole movie, just letting you action fans out there know not to waste your time.

I also watched most of a movie called Hickey and Boggs (1972) which has a lot going for it in that The Warriors writer Walter Hill wrote it and Bill Cosby stars as a tough guy private detective along with Robert Culp who also directs. I didn't have any problem with this movie, though it is a bit slow, I just haven't finished it yet because it's kind of long and it expires from Netflix on March 1. It's in the same vein as Dirty Harry and is pretty cool, so I might finish it up today. Oh, and if you were wondering, yes it's kind of weird seeing Bill Cosby as a tough guy, but he also pulls it off really well. It's fun to watch. Again, not a real review, but just some thoughts.

That being said, I do have four ACTUAL reviews:

POPCORN (1991)
Man, the 90s were a weird time for horror movies. You're looking at a time after the slasher glut greatly hindered the genre, but before Scream made them cool again. Popcorn is kind of a weird movie. The basic premise is that a college film club decides to hold a movie marathon to raise some money. But this isn't any movie marathon, they're showing movies with a gimmick like smell-o-vision or shock-o-rama. As such, they need an old movie theater to show their flicks in and a crazy old guy to help out (and then completely disappear) in the form of Ray Walston (My Favorite Martian). If you really liked the beginning of Scream 2 where there's all kinds of craziness happening in a movie theater, then this is right up your alley as it seems as though a counterculture guy from back in the day wants his weirdo movie to be seen so much he's willing to kill people for it (that's not exactly the plot, but I don't want to give too much away). There was enough quirky charm to keep me watching even though the movie isn't awesome by any means. So, if that sounds interesting (oh and the fact that someone gets killed via giant fake mosquito), check it out.

THE ROCKER (2008)

I was really surprised with how much I liked this Rainn Wilson flick. I was also surprised with the huge number of cast members I not only recognized, but knew by name (for the most part). Wilson stars as a drummer who got kicked out of what became the biggest band of the 80s right before they blew up. Now, in modern times, Rainn's down on his luck, but ends up joining his nephew's band, which garners its own huge levels of success. Aside from the cast that includes Christina Applegate, Emma Stone, Jeff Garland, Jane Lynch (from 40 Year Old Virgin and a hundred other things), Jason Sudekis, Will Arnett, Fred Armisen, Jane Krakowski, Bradley Cooper, Lonny Ross (30 Rock), Demetri Martin and Aziz Ansari, I was really impressed with how well they pull off some moments that could have come off as cheesy. There's also one part where Rainn offers up the emo lead singer some songwriting advice (paraphrase "let's speed it up and switch it to I'm NOT bitter) and he actually takes it without flinching. Sure it's kind of similar to a scene in That Thing You Do, but in this case the lead singer just decided to go for it instead of being a d-bag. The Rocker is one of those flicks that seems like it either went up against some huge other movie or their producers didn't have the juice to put much/any advertising cash behind it, because there's no reason that this shouldn't have done way better (though I said the same thing after seeing Speed Racer, which I still really enjoyed, so what do I know).

I also watched a couple movies all the way through that I wasn't really into and those were Bangkok Dangerous (2008) and The Crazies (1973). I'll be honest, the only reason I wanted to watch BD is because I've laughed a million times at the Best of The Wicker Man video on YouTube starring BD's Nic Cage. Man that's a funny video. You can get to it here after reading an AWESOME article I wrote about horror movie remakes for ToyFare. Unfortunately, BD was no where near as ridiculous as I was hoping it would be (I mean, COME ON, it's Nic Cage as an assassin!). Instead, it's a pretty run-of-the mill story about an assassin who has all kinds of rules, but is starting to not want to be an assassin anymore. You've seen it a million times and this doesn't really offer up anything new, unlike Grosse Pointe Blank which is completely awesome.

The Crazies (1973) is the first non-zombie George Romero movie I've ever seen. It was okay, but not all that interesting. Instead of focusing on characters and how they react to these crazy situations, it seemed like Romero was more focused on showing a lot of dudes in white hazmat-type suits rounding people up after a virus that makes people go bat-poop nutso, gets released in a small town. There's nothing all that wrong, really, it just didn't grab my attention like my favorite Romero (and horror) flick Dawn of the Dead does.

Halloween Scene: Brotherhood of Blood (2007)

2008-10-17 4:22:28 am

I figured my good luck with the Ghost House Underground flicks wouldn't last. I've been watching Brotherhood of Blood for about an hour now and I just don't really care what's going on. The story needlessly jumps around in time, which I can accept, except the editing is a bit confusing and about half the acting is wooden (the other half darn good). The dialogue has about the same percentage of hit and miss.

It's you're basic team of vampire hunters against an old vampire and his clan. There's some kind of plot about a dude whose brother may or may not be a vampire. Again, I'm being a bad reviewer and got distracted by the Internets, but there also hasn't been much in the movie to make me take note and saw "holy cats!" It's kind of like a Blade movie, but without the style or the budget. It also sets up an unfamiliar mythology and then tries to flip it on us like it's something we've known since we were kids, but it just doesn't work out all that well.

I have noticed that the movie looks more like an episode of Law and Order than a movie. I assume Dance of the Dead had a fairly low budget as well, but it looked a lot slicker than BoB. Another thing I noticed is that the young vampire hunter kid they induct into their group is pretty much an idiot. Not only does he try to unchain their vampire captive (played by Dawn of the Dead and Leatherface's Ken Foree!), but he then later complains that the vampire is tied up to tight. JEEZ! The main vampire hunter chick actually does make a point about how stupid he's being, but I question if anyone would react in such a manner after actually being around vampires.

But it's not all bad. Like I said Ken Foree's in it, which makes two movies I've watched with him in it this week! He looks kind of like a gypsy vampire, but I'm not really sure what his story is. It's ALWAYS good to see my man again. (EDITOR'S NOTE: I've never met Ken, but I feel like we could start a detective duo or a mystery solving rock band if and when we do eventually meet.) Sid Haig of Devil's Rejects and House of 1000 fame also pops up. He's the leader of the vampire pack. He tempers his usual over-the-top-ness with more subtlety than you might expect, but, like with Ken, he's always a fun face to see in a flick.

Finally, I've got to give it to Victoria Pratt for giving her all in her roll as the main vampire hunter lady. You may recognize her from Cleopatra 2025 or Mutant X, but I didn't. There wasn't a single moment on screen where I thought she believed anything but the plain and simple fact that she was a badass vampire hunter. She really keeps the movie from completely toppling in on itself with all the little problems. She's even responsible for most of the best gore pieces when she's kicking vamp butt.

Overall, I can't recommend this flick to anyone but huge vampire, Ken Foree, Sid Haig or Victoria Pratt fans. The story's muddled, the acting, editing and script only so-so, the gore pretty good though there isn't a lot of it and the big "twist ending" is just kind of eh, but you do get a slightly different take on the vampire mythos.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Bloody Awful

2008-07-21 2:55:21 am

So, sometimes a movie comes along and it's so terribly bad, that I really want to shut it off. Sometimes I do and other times I'm not done with my beer so I keep it on. I would have rather thrown an entire case down the drain than finish the terribleness that is Roger Corman's Bloody Mama. The flick stars Shelly Winters (of Poseidon Adventure fame) as Ma Barker, the notorious leader of the Barker Boys crime family which consisted of her sons and a few other fellas. Here's the thing though, according to my research (and by that, I, of course, mean Wikipedia), Ma Barker had nothing to do with her sons' country-wide crime spree. But that didn't stop Corman and Co. from throwing in a disturbing off camera incestual rape scene in the first 3 minutes followed by the young Ma Barker hoping that some days he'd be surrounded by her own sons that will protect her. Ugh. Oh yeah, Robert De Niro's in this bad boy (and I mean BAD) as the son who's on drugs. It's really a truly bad film that makes little-to-no sense and I don't really want to write much more about it, so I'll just post my cleaned up, stream of consciousness notes here instead of really getting into it. If anything below makes you want to see the movie to understand what I mean, please don't. E-mail me and I'll answer you questions.

Bloody Mama (1970)

Do we really need to start with a rape followed by an upbeat jingle jangle song?

Ma Barker's a criminal AND a racist

And now we have prison rape, yeesh

Why would cops shoot with those broads hangin' off the car?

Mona gets passed around to the brothers, yuck

What the hell is the knife throwing game?

No one to root for, no hero, except De Niro cause i like him

And...another rape plus murder, sorry Rembrandt you were the only not hideous thing in this movie

I want all of these characters to get shot in the face, where's J Edgar Hoover when you need him?

And now Ma wants to have sex with her hostage

Why are they catching gators? They fish with a pig and then shoot it with a tommy gun.

De Niro overdoses, oh well.

finally, SHOOTING, the END is near

Shelley Winters with a tommy gun mowing down cops is kinda funny

Also, they've drawn a crowd who's watching it like it's a play

Who are the cops shooting at outside while Shelly and her oldest son are talking? Everyone else is dead

Oh snap the last son just shot himself in the face with a tommy gun

Nice death montage followed by an ending with a stamp dedicated to mothers behind the credits is pretty funny

Ugh, what a pile of no goodness